Will Rogers had it Right about Parades!

The entryway soon to be torn up. Fence or hedge to go

with the gate, yet to be determined!

“Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.”

Will RogersUS humorist & showman (1879 - 1935)

…and I thought on Friday that the parade had finally ended. The parade, that is, of workmen tramping through the house. A regular occurrence that began on August 8 and has continued at least two times a week through this now, last full week in September.

Last week drew to a close with a particularly loud and well-turned out parade: the plumber and his sidekick here to fix the radiators, which now that the nights are getting cold we discovered did not work, the painter/floor guy to finish the winter garden sisal carpet and the electrician to connect the ceiling light wiring to switches so that we might actually turn on the lights (finally installed) that we, as renters, were obligated to buy, per German custom.

And, that was just the indoor parade!

For our neighbors’ endless delight and excitement, the outdoor parade begins at 7:30a on Saturdays! Last Saturday, the centerpiece was a duet of jackhammers at 7:45a. (Thank goodness that Sunday morning is "saved" by the German "quiet" tradition that disallows noise on Sunday - from mowing lawns all the way down to not being allowed to put glass into the community recycle bins at all on Sundays. Glass recycling is a noisy chore because the wine and beer bottles fall about 4 feet into the bins and splinter to bits.. )

Back to the jackhammers. Gary and I have owned four different houses over the course of our 20-year marriage. One was almost 100-years old and another was re-built from the studs up on a 120-year old foundation. Never, not once, in all that time did we ever experience the need to have jackhammer work done in or outside a house. In two short months here, we have had jack hammer “repairs” both inside and out!

The landscaping plans show signs of being quite nice once complete. But, when work is confined to Fridays and Saturdays, I’m not so certain they will beat the snow and bad weather!

About my thought that the parade season was drawing to a close: on Tuesday this week the last visit from IKEA is scheduled. You guessed it – more storage. This time for books and Ethan’s room as he has a less spacious wardrobe. So, once the IKEA folks are done, I really thought we’d be done with the stream of workers through the house.

Alas, yesterday afternoon we discovered the downstairs toilet backing up and draining slowly. This is not a job simply for a plunger. Unfortunately, the slow drain thing has the earmarks of the same trouble we just recovered from. I will not print my thoughts and comments, leaving them instead to your imagination.

Just to complete the analogy, I have to share that it is fitting that our landlord owns a company called “Rent-a-Tent.” I believe he must specialize in circus tents. He is proving a quite adept ringmaster in creating this circus of the last two months.

To keep my spirits up, I am focusing on Thursday when I pick up my "new car" - our official leased vehicle for our time here. It is a BMW customized to the specs I picked out. Okay, it's still a station wagon, not an X4 or a Porsche coupe. But, I've been driving a 7-year old mini-van with 160,000+ miles on it so permit me a little excitement nevertheless!

Now, if only German plumbers had the reputation so well-earned by BMW, Porsche and Mercedes....

We Shopped, We Dropped, and.. IKEA won!

Gary and I celebrated our 20th anniversary this May. I can honestly say in the entire time I have known Gary – now over 20 years – we have never spent as much time shopping together as we have in the past four weeks. In fact, neither of us has done as much shopping in such a concentrated period – either alone or together!

The together part is not the problem. In fact, it was what made it bearable! Gary was my translator, decorator and navigator as - I’m certain - we have looked at every furniture and appliance store in the Frankfurt area.

It is stunning just how many new or replacement items a move like this requires: all electrical appliances such as coffee maker, vacuum, toaster, microwave, washer and dryer for starters. Then, Europeans have never warmed up to the idea of closets – even in a newer house. And, we don’t have a newer house anyway. It’s a “newer” older house, nicely renovated but not to include that new-fangled bedroom closet idea.

So…. wardrobes from IKEA are the answer, of course! Have you ever thought about how much you actually store in closets? Let me tell you, a lot! And, we had a very modestly sized walk-in closet in our bedroom on Pine Street AND we didn’t actually ship all our belongings over here. But, even a regular closet holds more than a wardrobe, trust me! Now that we have invested in wardrobes for five people plus a coat wardrobe in the guest foyer, I may just insist on this approach when we come home – to get our money’s worth out of these, admittedly nice-looking, wardrobes!

Those of you who know IKEA will appreciate the fact that I am married to a saint. Gary spent several Saturdays in IKEA before we arrived sorting out the complexities of the wardrobe designs. For those of you who do not yet know the joys of IKEA, this means identifying a shopping list with each shelf, door, drawer, door handle, etc. for each wardrobe configuration you need. It doesn’t just make your head hurt, it risks making your head actually explode! And, because all stores are closed on Sundays in Germany, you can perhaps imagine the scene on Saturdays in IKEA… Score a point for IKEA – half the population is in their store, spending money.

So, the wardrobe parts were delivered and built for us the first Monday we were here. No wardrobe shopping for me -- that was great! But, it was only the beginning… We also needed some armchairs, a dining room buffet and a TV entertainment center as our living space is bigger than it was on Pine Street and some of our furniture was “retired” with this move and did not take the trip across the ocean. Now, one might think this is not such a big deal and might even be fun – who doesn’t like buying some new furniture and doing a mini-redecorating project?

“Fun!” That’s what I thought too. Until the first Saturday found us utterly exhausted and frustrated at 8:00 pm when the stores close. It seems that every furniture store in the area is in competition with IKEA and their answer to it is to beat them at their own game by being even bigger and more overwhelming. (Yes, it is possible!). And, as we found, the irony is that all the furniture looks the same! We searched store after store for furniture that was a darker wood that might blend with the furniture we did bring. It seemed not to be. All the furniture is what I have come to call “Euro-Scandinavian” style and virtually all of it in light-colored woods. I am confident that any German home furnished in the past decade must look just like every other.

Score another point for IKEA for dictating the home décor business in Germany.

Every Saturday we embraced our search with new optimism… surely that huge furniture store we drove by near the airport will have more variety. Surely all the stores can’t sell the same stuff and still stay in business? Wrong. And, to top it off, there are only two ends to the spectrum – nothing in between. Either you pay very low prices and put the stuff together IKEA-style or you take out a second mortgage and pay three times what you would in the US for good quality, made-to-last furniture. No middle ground.

Another point for IKEA for setting expectations that affordable furniture = bring it home in 16 boxes and make sure you have at least 12 hours available to figure out how to put it all together.

By the fourth Saturday, we were beat. We had managed to accomplish the acquisition of all the necessary appliances. That necessity was forced upon us when the rental furniture and appliances departed so suddenly on the day our furniture arrived – that night in fact, for the coffee maker! J But, a month of shopping and still no furniture. We had toyed with venturing back into IKEA but nothing in heaven or here on earth would get my dear husband back in the store.

What to do? Well, score 10 points for IKEA for having a global website. I could browse online in English on the US site and even make an online shopping list! And, Glory Be!, they had some options in “Schwarz-braun.” Of course, those of you in the know on IKEA also know that only some items are in some of the woods. So, you first find all the options in the wood you like and then start browsing. Otherwise, take it from my experience – you find the piece of furniture you like and it is not offered in a compatible wood with the other piece you like. And so it goes…

But, there is now evidence that I’m starting to feel a bit more settled and confident: I drove to IKEA alone – no husband-navigator and no NAVI in the car -- and, I ordered all the parts and pieces to an entertainment center, dining room buffet, two arm chairs and two rugs. Then, to really impress you – I arranged for it to be delivered and assembled on a day the following week - all done with sign language, pictures, primitve German and some very friendly and helpful clerks! Yeah!!!

Score one point, finally, for Kris! But, IKEA still has 13 points…. And our money!

Ready or Not.... !

Well, more adventures! And, no German lessons yet… the “consultants” in London are arranging a tutor through their local resources.. In the meantime I also signed up for a beginning German class for parents at the kids’ school. It starts the week of Sept 7 but is only once a week. Not that one or two lessons would have helped me with my first "solo encounter" without my husband-translator:

On Thursday, I was leaving the house with the kids to drive them to school (they take the bus home) at 7:45a and a man shows up in the driveway with papers speaking in German. The only word I can understand, because it is the same in English and German, is “container.” He is a big burly guy and I figured out – a truck driver. He has papers instructing him to deliver our sea container full of furniture to our address.

Well, this was supposed to be scheduled for about 5 days after arriving in port so that the rental furniture company could schedule removal of the rental furniture, dishes, linens, etc. and so we would be prepared for the whole thing. Nope! I walked up to the corner and sure enough, there was his truck with the huge cargo sea container on it! Our street is way too narrow for the truck.

Gary was already at the airport for a business trip to Berlin. I desperately tried to reach the moving “consultant” who is in London but he was on “annual holiday” until Sept 7. Then, I tried to reach the few people I know here who speak both English and German to see if they could at least learn more info from the guy so I could figure out what to do. I could reach NO ONE and the guy was getting exasperated and the kids were already late for school.

So, I had to call Gary. Luckily, he wasn’t already on the plane or I think he would have lost his mind not being able to get off. He was still in the gate area. In fact, he had just bought breakfast -- a beautiful croissant and a latte from "Perfect Day Cafe." I'm not making that up!

He spoke with the driver on the phone and turns out, the driver spoke only basic German (he was Polish – as are a lot of the workers here – all the handymen that have come to work on the house are also Polish). The driver informed Gary that "no, you can't refuse the delivery, I have no where to take the container." So… long story short – we got our furniture. Gary left the airport gate and scrapped his trip. Here is the "Perfect Day" latte that travelled back to the house with him and fueled a good part of the day as lunch was long-forgotten:

Just for added excitement and activity for the day, the rental furniture company was able to pull a crew off another job to come get the stuff so there was room for our real furniture. Now we have our work cut out for us unpacking! And, we picked up the last of the lights yesterday so hopefully this week someone can install them and we can SEE at night! It’s like we’ve been living in the stone age… go to bed when it gets dark (thank goodness its not winter when it gets dark at 5p!!!)

Hopefully, by the time our first of two sets of visitors in Septmeber (yeah!) arrive, the dust will be settled… oh, and, of course, during all this, they are still pouring cement in the house and making a general racket fixing Ethan’s floor! His bedroom furniture is sitting outside his room making it very difficult to get around down there with boxes, furniture, etc. The floor guy told me yesterday that he will come Monday or Tuesday to lay the hardwood back down. I’ll believe it when I see it!

Plumbing - German Style!

We are having an adventure a day it seems! Today a big load (and I mean BIG) load of dirt was dumped on our driveway at 7:30a just as Gary was leaving with the kids to school. The gardeners are here to finish up the patio/garden work. Apparently they need a LOT of dirt to do the job!!

On Sunday, we started having our toilets back up. There are three in the main part of the house and when one backed up, the next toilet to flush also backed up. We called the landlord but of course, nothing happens on Sunday so he said he’d get a plumber to come out on Monday. In the mean time, we had planned to spend the day learning the trains and exploring Frankfurt. That’s what we did and had a great time – beautiful sunny weather. Actually, it has been in the 70s and sunny since we arrived – occasional rain shower in the afternoon. Very un-German weather according to Gary.

Anyway, Monday was spent with the plumbers here all day . The main guy speaks pretty well in English so he was keeping me updated. By the end of the day, we had four plumbers here – two “specialists” who they called in with special equipment. They had a camera on the end of a plumbing snake and a separate piece of equipment with a 10” screen (in color!) that showed what the camera was “seeing.” Sort of like endoscopy for sewers!

What they found was at the juncture where the three toilets and the showers drain, there is a root growing into the pipe. That they could take care of with their equipment except that there was also a ROCK lodged in the tree roots INSIDE the pipe! Go figure. On theory is it was the previous tenets who were sabotaging for some reason and another theory is it is actually hardened plaster and grout that workers doing the remodeling poured down the toilet to dispose of and it hardened when it got clumped around the tree root.

So, anyway, guess what? The pipe goes down from the main floor to the lower floor and runs under Ethan’s floor. The only way to get to the pipe to repair it is to tear up Ethan’s floor. So, this morning the hardwood floor guy arrived to tear up the wood floor. I imagine that underneath is concrete block – the house is a renovated old house and the walls are about 10” thick so I imagine the floor is equally “sturdy!” This is definitely a time we are VERY glad we are renters and not home owners!!!

So for at least a week we are using the creepy bathroom in the cellar. Not too nice or convenient – especially in the middle of the night. It’s like those Girl Scout camping days when you lay in your sleeping bag in the middle of the night asking yourself just how badly you have to go because you don’t want to have to walk to the outhouse!!

Fortunately, we can still use the shower because “just water” can still go down the drain – although it goes quite slowly. At least we all don’t stink on top of everything else!

But, it all made for a loud day at the house today -- the gardeners finished spreading dirt and started in with chain saws to take down some trees out front (one being the tree with the errant roots!). At the same time, the floor guy finished taking up the hardwoods and began with the jackhammer to break through the concrete flooring. He's got the door to the room sealed with plastic (thankfully, or the whole house would be covered with concrete dust) so I cannot see his progress but, he's been at it for literally the last 5 hours...

Okay, now here's some pictures of the results of two days and 10 hours of "surgical" jackhammering...

Selling a House the "Re-lo" Way.. Or, The Buyers From "You-Know-Where!"

First, let me say we feel quite fortunate to have received and accepted an offer on our home within two weeks of listing it...

But, the day before leaving, we received the buyers' response to the inspection. Mind you, they are already literally stealing the house with respect to price. Then, the requested a list of things that included cleaning the gutters and other maintenance items (we clean the gutters every spring and fall so they had been cleaned about 3 months prior and the fall leaf season is about to begin - a gratuitous request if ever there was one - the inspector mentioned nothing in the report about the gutters). All of the items on their list were either extremely minor repairs or maintenance items. Technically we could refuse them all and if the buyers backed out, we would get their earnest money because the purchase contract indicates specifically, in capital letters, that the buyers may only back out of the purchase if inspection results identify a MAJOR DEFECT that the sellers refuse to rectify.

So, that was our stance and by the end of the day, the realtor and the relocation consultants took the negotiations into their own hands. Of course, the fact we were leaving on a boat and going to be out of contact also helped with that! What we later heard was that they ended up relenting on a few items and giving them $500 for the rest. Wimps! These buyers clearly know the relocation drill well and have pushed and pushed, knowing that the relo company desperately does not want the house in their inventory. At least the concessions will not come out of our proceeds because they conceded to stuff that really wasn't required.

Just an example of the buyers' attitude and persistence: At their expense, they brought in three additional contractors to look at our tile shower floor. The inspector had indicated a "crack" which in reality was a place in the grout that needed some caulking or re-grout - I could see this and, as it turned out, all three contractors they brought in told them the same thing. They just wouldn't believe one or two contractors! And, the contractors were definitely being honest as they were losing work by indicating it was a simple problem they didn't need to "fix!"

After the cat was found (see The Cat's Story post), you can well imagine that our realtor was apoplectic about the sale! And, she was stuck with getting bids, ordering new cabinets and coordinating the repair. When we could finally talk, after arriving in Hamburg, I was able to tell her the company that had done the kitchen cabinets in the first place. She arranged a binding estimate and thankfully, the style and wood of the cabinets could still be ordered.

So, the buyers went ahead with the closing yesterday even though the cabinet won't be delivered and installed for about three weeks. The realtor made a comment about not even being sure who technically owned the house when this happened - us or the re-lo company (they "buy" the house even when its been sold prior to the closing so that the closing is between re-lo company and the buyer).

No one has said a word to us yet about the expense of the repair - not to approve it or how it will be paid. They have set in motion the wiring of house proceeds, loss-protection proceeds and the early sale bonus money. So, perhaps the re-lo company is just going to pay the cost - we're not asking! We'll just wait and see!

In the meantime, despite going ahead with the purchase in spite of the damage, the buyers then got the realtor totally paranoid about scrapping the deal over two 8" square mirrors that were hanging in the 1/2 bathroom. I packed the mirrors (they were bought at Marshalls for about $9 a piece 4 years ago and were not the "official" bathroom sink mirror) but that left the bathroom with no mirror - apparently they are within their rights to expect a mirror in every bathroom so the realtor is frantically trying to reach us about this issue... she ended up going out to buy mirrors.

By that time, I would have told the buyers to fly a kite. Give them $20 a closing and tell them to go buy a mirror they like! Ah well.... there's clearly mostly only good in the end of doing things "the re-lo way!"

Our old neighbors report that as of today, no one has yet moved into the house... perhaps they are phantom buyers from you-know-where?!

The Cat's Story or, How She Came to Have Just Eight Lives!

So, the next story involves the cat. In the end, it was best we were out of contact so we only lost 24 hours to being worried sick rather than six days of our eight day cruise. Our cat is quite timid and skittish about strangers and strange places so I decided to leave her in our empty house and have a friend look in on her and feed her there until the Pet Consultants picked her up for transport to the airport. The woman looking in on her is an animal lover with two dogs and several cats of her own and, she works at least several days a week at a no-kill cat shelter as a volunteer. She knows her cats!

Well, because of the cleaning crew and then an endless stream of contractors entering the house (that's a whole other story - the home buyers from you-know-where!), the cat disappeared. The natural assumption was that she slipped out the door and ran off.

Shelley spent DAYS and NIGHTS looking for the cat - an ad in the Zionsville Times, posters around the neighborhood and knocking at all of the neighbors doors. She set food on the porch and came and sat silently on the porch until past midnight every night, hoping Izzy would come home. She crawled under all the neighbors bushes and porches. They left the garage door open hoping she would find shelter there.

It was on day Five that we were in port in Southampton and Gary's phone got cell service. He decided to call the consultant because we hadn't gotten an e-mail update on the pick up of the cat and they have been innundating us with updates all along. Sure enough, they give him the report of Izzy's disappearance. We were very upset, not only because she was missing and we knew, as an indoor, de-clawed cat, she had little chance of survival outside for more than a few hours, but because having her move with us was a big part of feeling "at home" during our stay in Germany.

Despite the thorough search of the house that Shelley had done several times, I was still perplexed about where the cat might have gone - she has never tried to sneak out of an open door because she is so timid. But, I thought, perhaps if she was really desperate with no furniture to hide in or under, perhaps she did.

A wide variety of friends and others wound up involved in the Great Izzy Search! Gary had called his brother, Barry, to help with a search as well as our friends from our old neighborhood. Unbeknownst to us at the time, the microchip company had contacted a friend of mine in Indy who I had put down on the form. And, the cleaning company (who they thought might be "responsible" for letting her slip out) and the realtor are also involved.

On Day Six of Izzy's disappearance, Shelley and her daughter, Anastasia (Molly's good friend) went over to our house to move the food, litter box and water into the garage as a final effort. They had given up on searching the house any further - they had opened every cabinet, closet and drawer days ago.

Just as Anastasia was moving the litter box from the kitchen to the garage, she heard a meow.. just one meow. They figured out that the cat had somehow gotten up on the highest top of the cabinets and crawled into a 3 - 4" wide opening between the wall and the cabinet top and then fallen down between the wall and the side of the oven - behind the cabinet "filler" that was installed between the edge of the cabinet (which the wall oven was in) and the wall because the cabinet was not quite as wide as the space available. The cat was missing from Friday afternoon until Wednesday evening - six days with no water or food and minimal space to move! Here's my brother-in-law's account of the experience:

The whole things was kinda scary. When Patrick and I got there, Anastasia was in tears, Shelley was desperate to find a way into the cabinets and Izzy was making nasty hissing sounds. I tried to assess how to get in and though I could get in by breaking the panel under the drawer under the stove, but that just revealed a solid piece of MDF between us and Izzy. I then tried to pry the panel between the stove and the wall, but that would not budge. At that point, I called the fire department, but they refused to help.

I got more medieval with the side panel and realized that the molding piece was in the way - I got that off which revealed that the floor molding was in the way - I pulled that off and then was able to pry off the side panel with my claw hammer. Izzy was in the very back at that point and I could not reach her as the space was only 3" wide. Sherrie and Anastasia both tried but could not reach back. I then took the metal drawer slide that I had pried out earlier was able to pull Izzy to the front where Shelley was then able to grab her. Shelley and Anastasia where off to the vet with Izzy in a flash.

I am afraid I did some pretty serious damage to the kitchen. Your cabinets and moulding were clearly top notch and very well constructed.

So, the vet pronounced her (after expensive x-ray and blood work to check kidneys) perfectly healthy expect for being dehydrated. She put her on an IV for 24 hours and now the only telltale sign of the drama is her shaved leg where the IV was, of which only a vague remnent of the shaved fur is still visible in her picture above!

"The Only Way to Cross" -- if time allows!

Well, we're here! With a few days under our belts, we are starting to feel a bit more at home with each day although the house is still an echo chamber with the few pieces of rental furniture - exactly one seat on a couch for each of us and no more! The bedroom furniture looks quite literally like doll furniture! But, IKEA was here today and set up all the wardrobes. That would never have worked if we were trying to build them! And, we now have room to put away the air freight stuff which arrived the same day.




The cruise from NYC to Hamburg was, as hoped, a fantastic and relaxing time. The “enforced” nature of the relaxation, being ship-bound, made it a vacation unlike anything we’ve ever done. With the kids old enough to explore the ship and decide what to do on their own, it was even more so. Eight days was about as long as I’d go, because there is a point of too much of a good thing.

The first few days were spent getting used to the idea that the only decisions of the day were which deck faced the sun and had available deck chairs for reading (or napping!), what time to meet for meals and whether we wanted to attend concert/show or ball that evening! Compared to the usual daily pace and the more recent daily pace, it actually was a bit disorienting. Nevertheless, we managed to adapt!! I will say, though, that I wouldn’t want to do every vacation that way but it was just what we needed this time. And, we arrived with no jet lag as we moved the clock forward just one hour each night and never set an alarm clock.


Apparently, the rule of thumb for cruises is to expect to gain one pound per day of cruise. The food was quite good but, it was served from a menu not a buffet and in a nod to the health-conscious, there was a trio of “Canyon Ranch Spa” selections at every meal in the dining room – most of which were quite tempting and good. So, I think we escaped without gaining 8 lbs each, thankfully!

The clear highlight of the “entertainment” was a historian/lecturer who gave a talk each morning on the history of ocean liner travel. He is about 80 and a Scotsman with an American mother and thus now an American living in Manhattan. He has turned a passion into quite a lifestyle/good living. He wrote a book about 25 years ago called “The Only Way to Cross” and about 20 years ago pitched the idea to a cruise line that their passengers might enjoy talks on the subject. His second, retirement career was born – he now cruises various transatlantic crossings with his wife for about 3 months a year (for free) and gets paid to do it! He is an excellent speaker for the audience – mixes anecdotes, humor with factual info. He had been involved in community theater as a hobby and clearly has a “stage presence.” In any case, all five of us thoroughly enjoyed his talks.