Are the Roads Safe?

The answer is now officially “yes” in the Konigstein im Taunus region. That is, if I am driving! This morning I passed my German driver’s exam after investing over 40 hours in studying – 39 hours of which were well and truly necessary. The answer to the question is a resounding “maybe” if Gary is driving…

Gary took the test before Christmas after only about 10 hours of studying and, predictably (at least as predicted by all the Germans who weighed in on the topic), he failed the test by answering wrong 3 of the 30 questions, drawn from a pool of 950 possible questions.

Yes, that’s right: there is a pool of 950 questions, which appear to have been written in the 1970’s and not changed since then (judging by the accompanying pictures which show teenage boys in short shorts and tube socks up to their knees, among other things!) that are the basis for the exam.

The studying for this exam consists of being handed the 950 questions in an electronic “flash card” form by a driving school and told “Memorize them all. Oh, and Good Luck!” No manual or text book to study from first.

Yep, the driving school provides the bureaucratic support to file all our paperwork, is the only source through which we can purchase the study materials and collects about 250 Euro but, no, they don’t teach us anything to prepare for the exam…

So, the first 20 hours of study involves going through the “flash cards” on the computer and guessing at the answers. Once you get them wrong, you get to see what the actual knowledge is you are being tested on. So, for calculation questions – no formulas are provided, just the right answer. So, you get the pleasure of applying what high school math you can still dredge up and working backwards from the right answer to a speculative formula.

That speculative formula is put to the test when the next question that asks you to calculate the braking distance in good weather when you are traveling at 95 km/h or, traveling at 70 km/h when the roads are wet and you are simultaneously taking evasive action.. Not even that masterful pre-calculus teacher, Kanu Patel, renowned at Greendale High School, could have helped me with that one!

Then, there are multiple choice questions of the worst kind – one answer or all three answers may be correct. And, past driving experience or common sense play no role whatsoever in the process. Here’s an example:

A picture shows the typical road sign that warns of deer crossing the road. The question is what you must reckon with:

a. the possibility that a game animal may enter the road and freeze in your headlights
b. the possibility that stragglers of the herd may follow after a deer has crossed your path
c. a soiled roadway

Okay, “a” and “b” were pretty clear, right? But, “c” is, in fact, also one of the right answers. And, NO credit if you only chose “a” and “b.”

How many of you have ever swerved, lost control of your car or otherwise endangered yourselves or others because of deer droppings (the cause of the “soiled” roadway) on the road? Hmm… me either.

But, at least there are no moose in Germany. In Newfoundland, where this sign is from, things can apparently get far worse than roads soiled with droppings.

Of course, this whole driver’s license process provided yet another opportunity to give a nod to our illustrious relocation “consultants!” See earlier posts if you don’t recognize this as sarcasm…

I had to turn to the internet during my studies to look up the different categories of German driver’s licenses so I knew for which one I was to study. Lo and behold, I quickly stumbled upon several websites dedicated to Americans who need to get a German driver’s license. These sites were largely from very reliable sources (i.e. not just blogs!) – the American/German Chamber of Commerce and the US Embassy, included.

Very clearly noted was the fact that Americans living in the state of Hessen (where we are), among other states, and who work for an American company, are EXEMPT from taking the driving exam. They may simply transfer their driver’s license as a special exemption. So, Gary is off the hook!! Spouses, no.

A “friendly” e-mail from me to our consultant and a flurry of activity is set in motion. Gary’s application to re-take his exam is withdrawn, papers are submitted, driving record is downloaded from Governor Mitch Daniel’s new, very slick Bureau of Motor Vehicles website and….no apology or “oops!” is offered. Just – “oh, good luck for Gary, we’ll get the special exemption started.” Thanks, relocation experts. Glad you’re on our team.

How about the three hundred Euros we’ve spent on his study materials, the hours of studying, the trip during the work week to the driving exam office, etc. all which could have been avoided 6 months ago??

At least Gary appreciated my efforts! And, he kindly accompanied me to the driving exam this morning as moral support (and, I’m sure with glee in his heart that he was just there to sit in the waiting room!).

So, I ask you again – are the roads safe? Well, when, I, with my Ph.D-equivalent in German driving rules, am driving? Pretty safe. When Gary with his “hey, I’m on athletic scholarship" waiver-equivalent is driving? Actually, pretty safe. I’ve warned him about the deer droppings!

On a lighter note, in the next posting we’ll play another round of “Where in the World were the Geipels last Weekend?” Here’s an advanced hint, the newest addition to the Tacky Souvenir Collection:

Essential Appliances and the Essentially Worthless!

Essentials in the Kitchen

It is fantastic to be able to report that the house is now “complete.” By that, I mean that all the plumbing is in working order, all of the lights are installed, the light switches all work the way they should, the deck is finished and the gardener has finished his work for the season.

So, you’re asking, what could possibly still be missing? Well, there was one kitchen appliance, essential to German living that was missing from our kitchen. In a turn-around of the stereotypical “Don’t Ever Buy Your Wife a Gift that has a Plug” rule for men, Gary was the lucky recipient of this appliance on his recent birthday – and, he was pleased!

What, you wonder, would a grown man be happy to receive on his birthday that is an appliance for the kitchen? A “PerfectDraft,” of course! “Frisch gezapft fur zuhause!” as promised on the box:

That’s right – perfectly chilled draft beer right in the comfort of your own home. And, a six liter keg stays fresh for up to 30 days so, no, we don’t have to drink like fish to make this a worthwhile investment. No house in Germany, no German-American Mann or Frau who was born and raised in Milwaukee should be without the freshest of beer available at the flick of a wrist... Prost!

On the subject of kitchen appliances, we are learning to work with our dollhouse-sized appliances but, not without some snafus. Gary’s birthday cake was an example of baking with a dollhouse-size oven. The recipe for pumpkin cake called for a 13 x 9” pan. But, our oven is too small for that big a pan. Yes, that is a BIG pan in the context of our oven... (Thank goodness we celebrate Thanksgiving in Door County – there will be no turkeys, roasts or hams cooked in this German kitchen.) So, we went with the option of two 9” round cake pans.

The pan on the top shelf baked just fine. The pan on the middle shelf did not. After taking out the finished pan and moving the second to the top shelf, we thought the problem was solved. After 15 more minutes, it even looked done.

Audrey put the cake together and frosted it and realized that the middle of the second cake was slightly doughy but, we couldn’t do much about it at that point. Slightly doughy turned out to be an understatement. Once sliced, the center revealed a large pocket of raw dough – it looked like a pumpkin "lava cake!"

Ah well… enough of it was baked through for each of us to have the equivalent of a slice and we were saved from consuming more calories in leftover cake!

I won’t bore you with the challenges of a dollhouse-size refrigerator and a 14-year old boy in the house. Suffice it to say that it is a good thing that all the food here is packaged with the dimensions of dollhouse appliances in mind. And, milk is packaged so that it need not be refrigerated until it is opened. So, one can stock up the 1 liter milk cartons in the laundry room to avoid two trips a day to the grocery!

The Essentially Worthless -- but, that is the Point!

Have you ever wondered when on vacation who buys all the tacky souvenirs that seem in endless supply, offered in mind-numbing repetition by booth after booth along sidewalks, outside subway stations or in shops too numerous to count? I have the answer right here for you:

Yep! You guessed it – the Geipels! In a move of self-defense against the shopping proclivities of teenagers (and their mother – I’ll be honest), I decided that the souvenir shopping (our "loot")that accompanies our game of “Where in the World are the Geipels this Weekend?” would be largely limited to the acquisition of souvenirs for our newly-started Tacky Souvenir Collection.

This lets the whole family get involved in weighing the options and making the choice as a family purchase. Which souvenir is offered most prodigiously, best represents the city or country and - most importantly - is most tacky? We are developing this assessment into a science, focusing our attention on those items that cost less than 10 Euro. A stroke of genius, no?!

And, this inexpensive and entertaining new hobby even allows for indulgence. Take our trip to Venice two weeks ago, for instance. You will note both a plastic gondola and an adorable Gondolier piggy bank. One can afford to indulge in more than one souvenir if after the first acquisition an equally or more attractive one is discovered at a better-stocked stand elsewhere in the city (or, the airport at departure)!

A gratuitous travel tip -- while tacky souvenirs are one thing, getting ripped off for touristy experiences is another. We skipped the gondola ride (and its price tag of 150 Euro for a 60 minute ride) and all enjoyed the far less expensive water taxi ride!

And, for anyone wondering -- yes, that really is a pair of dancing, yodeling lederhosen... with a bratwurst remote control.... of course!

Tschuss!